Today we find our protagonist wrestling with "doing the right thing"...
I took my mother to Gainesville to see her older sister. My aunt has always been an amazing person...and she is facing death with grace and compassion. Her faith is wrapping her up in a big warm snuggie and she is doing pretty damn well ;)
My mother has always been a less-than-amazing person...and she found herself weeping at her sister's bedside - inconsolable. But I resisted the urge to leave the room or chide her and instead comforted my mother while feeding ice chips to my aunt. Luckily as a student nurse I happen to excel at ice chip administration!
So no, I didn't want to be missing school to drive my mother to Gainesville...but it is "the right thing to do".
Yesterday morning, before leaving town, I awoke to panic. I was certain that the trip to Gaineville would end with our car flipping over on the highway. I couldn't get the thought out of my head. I am currently studying mental health nursing, so I attempted to allay my fears by diagnosing my brain as "catastrophizing" or "fixating". I then followed up my diagnoses with the appropriate nursing interventions I would use if I ever faced a patient as messed up as myself. Eventually I calmed down by telling myself that it is "normal" to have irrational fears when faced with a dying family member and too much time with the mother unit. Especially while driving to the home town of a girl I am trying so hard to forget.
Upon arriving in Gainesville - we stopped to get lunch. As I sat down to eat a woman rushed into the restaurant screaming "THERE HAS BEEN A HORRIBLE ACCIDENT!!!!"
Three police officers who were also eating jumped up and ran out the door. I went out behind them - as did most of the place - and saw a flipped over car not 200 feet from where I was standing. The driver was a woman about my age. It was a brutal accident and I retreated back inside as the officers went to work...Thirty minutes later, the woman was still trapped in her car and the jaws of life were cutting away the crushed door as EMS stood ready.
I am thinking about that woman alot today - and every time I think of her I send a prayer her way...
I learned that trick in nursing school...when you can't do anything about something horrible...you just replace the worry and fear with a positive prayer.
It's been a weird week and I really need a hug.
Oh and I am pretty sure my cousin is a serial killer or a child molester. If he tries to touch me one more time I might run away and leave my mother to fend for herself.
Happy Friday ya'll...send smiles my way if you have some to spare.
