tether...

As a mom one of the first things you fear is losing your baby. To sickness, or lack of knowledge or boogeymen. I mean, prior to having a baby my biggest concern was leaving the bowl of cat food full before I spent the evening out ;) But then you have this itty bitty love ball that couldn't survive more than a few hours without you and it can be terrifying.

And just when you get it all figured out they go and start to move on their own. And holy shit that is a new world. Suddenly you realize your house is akin to a navy seals testing ground - electrical outlets and shards of glass and 100 pound lamps with frayed cords are everywhere. Your little crawler is the baby version of McGuyver, fashioning a shiv from a forgotten pen and OHMYGAWD HOW DID HE FIND GUNPOWDER?!?!

But luckily they also come pre-programmed with a tether. And the smaller they are, the shorter the line. So you can take your toddler to the park and he won't usually get out of your sight. They constantly look back to check the expression on your face. If you are good, they are good, and they'll keep exploring. As they grow up that tether gets stretched - and it tugs on your heart a bit each year. Independence makes a momma very proud, but pulls those heart strings mighty tight.

Grown-ups have tethers too...

I have had quite a few in my lifetime...my mother, my church, my girlfriend, my job

Funny or strangely or inevitably those have faded. Interesting to experience.

But I still have a few left, and seem to be able to create new ones. Which is a damn good thing because I sure still need them! Because sometimes I still feel as if I am perched on the edge of a big old slide, looking back to see the expression on my mom's face to make sure I can handle the ride.

2

two hours ago I had a wonderfully warm hand in mine...

two days ago I realized I could change...

two months ago I watched my baby boy leave for the summer...

two years ago I lost my career, my car and my identity...

two decades ago I swore I would never stop running...

and too often I forget that I am just where I need to be ;)