After a long week at work...
Transitioning into a new job...
Which means, at the very least, a new routine, new faces, new skills, and feeling totally helpless...
And after struggling with finding my bearings yet again in a long-distance relationship...
My Friday evening ended with the conclusion of an overly violent, unintentionally psychologically intrusive movie.
So I was trying my best to dust off my negative feelings and get my little man to bed.
After 12 years of tucking my son in, I can be honest here and tell you that some nights I just don't feel like I have it in me to do take 10 minutes out of my night and stroke his hair, rub his back, and give him kisses as he drifts to sleep.
So I did the 3 minute version. My mind was elsewhere as I fluffed his pillows and told him goodnight. But as I was leaving his room a wave came over me...I imagine my angel 10 years in the future and living far away. So I paused in his doorway and saw him curled under the blankets...looking as sweet as the first moment I saw him...and I turned around. I laid down next to him on the bed and wrapped my arms around him...
His entire body relaxed and he sighed as he whispered "yay" :)
I stayed with him for a few precious moments...and drank in that connection - of being totally present, totally loved, totally loving...
Who cared that the dishes were piled high in the sink, and the laundry was spilling out of the basket onto the floor, and I hadn't been on Facebook to see exactly what my childless friends were up to on this Friday night!? I was able to let go of my funk and everything else hard about my day and just BE with my little guy. And it was a fantastic moment....one of thousands we have had together. And I plan on having many thousand more! Provided I can keeping remembering (each time I forget) that the absolute best way to connect with someone is just to put down your own piles of debris and connect.
Sleep well baby boo...thank you for reminding me (all the many times I forget) what my best self can be.
