I remember going off to college wanting to know if I was a lesbian or not. All throughout high school I was clueless about which team I wanted to play for...I was pretty sure everyone merely "tolerated" their boyfriends (as I did) and lived for sleepovers with their best gal pals (I had a lot to learn!).
College is the archetypal time to experiment. I kissed some boys just to get to kiss the girls, and finally lost my heart to a woman. I hadn't had sex of any kind so I thought this would surely be the litmus test of my sexuality! YAY! After weeks of platonic hanging I took a deep breath and calmly invited her back to my place for the evening, trying to appear as indifferent as possible. Luckily I was SUPER sophisticated in college ;-) My futon was on the floor. I didn't have any clean dishes. I grew basil and pot on the windowsill. With all this going for me it was surely going to be easy to seduce her...and it was.
The next morning I was full of smiles and eager to impress her. I hopped out of bed and cooked up biscuits, eggs and bacon. She ate it up and headed off to class. I was sure I was a lesbian! And I was confident I had a girlfriend!
About a month later she and I moved in together and I was SHOCKED to discover she was a vegetarian! How could this be?! She had eaten bacon on that fateful first breakfast! Bacon is the devil's meat! The worst of all meats! She sheepishly admitted that yes, she had eaten the bacon on that first morning together because she had lost her mind a bit (no doubt from my incredible charm). But that bacon had been the first meat she had eaten IN HER ENTIRE LIFE!
OK. Seriously? Let's forget for the moment that we later discovered this girl was a pathological liar and just take this story at face value. Her parents were strict vegetarians. And she had never eaten meat. Ever. Yet she ate the bacon up without so much as a HINT of trepidation.
Now I was young and didn't know this facet of relationships. This was my first of many exposures to that crazed phase of new attraction that makes vegetarians loony enough to eat bacon. Not sure if it has a name...some say "Honeymoon phase" or maybe "How About You Tell Me You Are a F-ing Vegetarian And I Won't Make Bacon Phase".
In the years since that experience I have wondered about our brains...or hormones...or whatever it is that has the power to make us behave that way. How in the heck can a cute girl get you to sit through a movie like Hot Tub Time Machine and actually ENJOY IT?!
And we all know we aren't fake laughing to the stupid jokes in Hot Tub Time Machine - we are actually enjoying that infantile humor just because the hand of a girl is ever so slightly resting on your leg.
At least my 20 year old self was astute enough to recognize that first moment I witnessed it...though I can't say I understand it any better now. Biologists may say that it is our body's chemistry conspiring to ensure the propagation of the species. Religious nuts...well they think it is a sin so let's not go into that. But to me it feels like you leave your "self" a bit. You leave your routines behind, plug into a new connection, and see what new things there may be to learn.
I can tell you that my college paramour became a carnivore...and though our relationship lasted about six months, her love of bacon persisted ;) And to her I say "You are welcome".
And learning how to laugh at Hot Tub Time Machine with new friends and an amazing girl at your side? Well that is a skill I am grateful to have the chance to acquire.
