It is very strange to be a person who loves order and routine and have your world turned upside down. Or, more specifically, to be a person who created as much consistency as possible and face a lay-off as a single mom. Not just a lay off as in "oh dang now I have to get another corporate job...my oh my how I hate interviewing"... This was a lay-off in the midst of NOW. The ego crushing reality of not being able to find a job even remotely in my previous income bracket was...well...there aren't words to describe how hard it hit me.
So for a year I allowed myself a descent into despair...selective despair. I still was a mom who cooked and cleaned and played. My little man and I read books and laughed and walked the dog...
But then at night as my little light fell asleep the fear of uncertainly was in every corner of my room.
Most of my friends were rock solid next to me (thanks ya'll!) though a surprising number split. I suppose it was pruning...
And for weeks the only thing that motivated me was knowing what I could *not* accept. I could not accept, for example, a job that required travel. I could not accept a job in Boston, or Santa Cruz, or St. Paul. I would have preferred to know what the hell I actually DID want, but I was content to know what I did not ;)
Fast forward eight months and you'll see me today - top of my class in nursing school and stretching long dormant brain cells into totally new positions. Learning the difference between a stage 2 and stage 3 decubitus ulcer and trying to navigate the halls of a hospital with confidence. I have held my breath to keep myself upright during an especially brutal ostomy bag cleanse, and been nearly knocked over with the strength of an 88 year old woman as she chooses to turn away from treatment and face her mortality.
Nursing school is hard, unpredictable, and exhausting. The instructors are disrespectful and unnecessarily cruel. But I am loving it :)
I am 100% sure I have no idea what my future holds...but I am in the exact right place to find out :)
